Where's the Owner's Manual?

A few months ago my hairdryer stopped working. I was getting ready for work one morning and it just stopped dead in it tracks. Dead. Ever since then I’ve been using my ‘backup’ hairdryer…one of those $9 no-frills ones from Bi-Mart that I kept around for those ‘just in case’ moments. Lately I’ve noticed that it’s been frying my hair, and since the only thing I like fried are French fries and chicken strips, I broke down this week and bought a new one.

Yesterday morning I took it out of the box, plugged it in, and flipped the switch…and got…nothing. I flipped the switch again, reset the power-surge button, and still nothing. I looked down at the hairdryer in frustration and realized that I was flipping the wrong button (duh). So I flipped the other switch and still…nothing! Why was this so hard you ask? Because my hairdryer has SIX different

options!

Ceramic

You can turn it on or off?? I thought ceramic just was…

as in a ceramic pot. Ceramic tile. Ceramic figurines. Never heard of turning those off??

Hot/Warm

Pretty standard option

Turbo Boost
wow, sounds powerful! (can't figure out how to flip the picture...sorry, but you get the the idea)

Cold Blast (pretty standard option here)

The elusive ‘on’ switch

(again, can't figure out how to flip the picture in blogger)

And last but not least…my favorite

The Ion Select (TM) Dial

The folks at Revlon clearly mean business. Not only do I have to somehow learn how many ions my hair needs, I also now have to figure out the color coded system. Does my hair need Red, Yellow, or Orange levels of ions?!

When did hairdryers evolve into finely tuned scientific devices that have to be calibrated every morning?? I just want something that will dry my hair!